A friend of mine is working on starting a podcast. She expressed frustration around not being able to think clearly whenever she tries to read her notes on points to cover in the podcast. She mentioned that she struggles with dyslexia and this issue is worse than usual. It’s like her brain gets scrambled when she’s trying to use her notes to stay on track. Things go better if she doesn’t use notes and just talks her way through the podcast, hoping she hits all of the planned points.
Over the time that I’ve known her, she’s mentioned a couple of times that she has had, what some would call a “crappy childhood and awful adult experiences” as well. She’s done lots of teaching while being recorded on video which was turned into a course, so I don’t think she’s “camera shy.” I do know that the Podcast will be in English, while I believe the videos were in Spanish, a second language in which she has been immersed for decades. Not only is podcasting new for her, but this podcast represents stepping out in a new direction as part of her retirement and back to her native English language.
While I don’t really know exactly what is going on for her, I’ve got some guesses that I’ll share here. In some ways I think her experience is related to the yesterday’s topic. I believe that lack of visual feedback cues is a key that is triggering the fear responses in this case as well as for yesterday’s scenario.
First, her podcast is speaking out, in English (the language of her childhood) about a topic (healing from abuse, especially the kinds of childhood abuse she endured) which is a difficult to begin with.
Second, based on the abuser being a family member (it most often is), as a child it probably was unsafe to “speak up about” what was happening to her. And if she did speak up about it, she was probably discounted and dismissed.
Third, by moving from Spanish to English, the “barrier” is being removed that may have prevented some people (from her childhood) from knowing what she was talking about so passionately. So there may be some (subconscious and conscious) fear around being judged or shunned for talking about helping people heal from the very sorts of things she endured in childhood.
When I wrap it all together, I come up with “it’s not safe to clearly speak my truth in an organized way because I may be judged, and dismissed, or otherwise ‘made wrong’ for doing so.” That’s a pretty stressful place to be contemplating and give the topic and the “reveal” it’s not unexpected that thinking clearly is a challenge! One’s subconscious mind, which is VERY interested in staying safe, might be trying to keep her safe by attempting to stop her from taking actions which IT sees as dangerous. And it may be doing so by biologically moving out of clear thinking and moving toward a fight-flight-freeze response where “logic and thinking” is not part of “REACTING to stay safe.”
So using that as the foundational guess at what’s going on, I’ve put together a Tap-Along video to address some of the aspect that I’ve guessed are in play.
While this scenario may not match what you’re dealing with, I would encourage you to Tap-Along as you watch this video so that you can borrow the benefits of this content as it may apply to any small sliver of your life.
Thanks for watching, and PLEASE COMMENT below! I’m looking forward to reading what you write!
One of my favorite “demonstrators” when teaching someone EFT is to work with cravings. I will most often use a Hershey’s Kiss as the “craving target” since most people can get their craving for chocolate fairly high given the opportunity.
I have them look at the still wrapped Kiss and think about “how good that will taste!” Then I have them unwrap it and smell it while thinking about “how good that will taste!” Then I allow them to take a little tiny bite of just the tip…just enough to get the flavor, without satisfying the desire for the chocolate. That process is usually sufficient to get most people to at least a 7-out-of-10 intensity of the craving, and often 10/10!
It is important to rate the craving intensity using the 0 – 10 SUD Scale (Subjective Units Of Distress Scale) BEFORE starting to tap. The only reason we rate the intensity is so that we can more easily notice the change in intensity from before to after a round of Tapping.
After setting the Kiss on the table in front of them, where they can clearly see it, we do the Setup. While tapping on the side of the hand (between the base of the little finger and the wrist) they repeat three times, “Even though I crave that chocolate, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”
Next we tap through the points while using the reminder phrase “Crave that Chocolate!” This would mean tapping 5-7 times (or as long as it takes to say the reminder phrase) on each of the points (shown in the EFT Cheat Sheet you can download here):
- Side of the eye
- Under the eye
- Under the nose
- Under the lower lip
- Collar Bone (on the end near the sternum or breast bone)
- Under the arm (about 4 inches below the arm pit)
- Top of the head (center top)
I generally tap through the series of points twice before taking another SUDS rating.
It is not unusual for people to report that the SUDS intensity rating has dropped to zero-to-one after two to four rounds of tapping through the points. The idea is to keep rating, tapping, and re-rating until the SUDS level drops “close to zero” at which point the process is complete.
Before you get upset about “taking away my chocolate” I need to let you know that I always use “cheap chocolate” as the demonstrator. While it does become much easier to say “No” to “cheap chocolate” GOOD chocolate is still GOOD! The “cheap chocolate” generally just doesn’t taste good or worth eating. Personally, I found that the Kiss tasted “chemically” the first time I did this!
The video below shows Gary Craig, the creator of Emotional Freedom Techniques, working with Ralph, a Veteran, to reduce his cigarette craving. This video is part of his 6-Days at the VA series. Gary had previously worked with Ralph around some of his intrusive PTSD memories, so they have an established rapport which is obvious in the video.
Notice how Gary has the Vet focus on the object of the desired craving. Also notice how Gary is having him use the 3-point craving killer shortcut!
Thanks for reading this post, and watching the video! PLEASE leave a comment below!
The other day after I had received my “Fauci Ouchie” injection I was sitting for 15 minutes in the waiting area near the nurses’ station. The woman next to me wasn’t feeling well and mentioned that it was probably because she is very scared of needles. The nurse concurred and said that it’s not unusual for someone with such a fear because their body is recovering from the Adrenalin rush associated with that peak moment of fear.
Her needle fear reminded me of the people I’ve helped with their fear of flying, and fear of heights, by leading them through a few rounds of EFT Tapping. I’m always happily amazed at how quickly most fears like that can be reduced from a very high intensity level to most often a zero intensity level in 3-5 minutes.
As I sat there I wondering what her experience would have been like that day if I’d have met her 45 minutes earlier and shown her how to Tap. While we will never know, I’m willing to bet she would have felt better, and would have had an easier time with it all.
While it’s too late to help her with that incident, I decided to put together the Fear Of Needles Tap-Along Video to help you (or someone you know) reduce their fear of needles. After Tapping-Along with this video, its very likely your next encounter with “fear of needles” will be much less intense!
Thanks for Tapping along with me today. Please leave a comment below and let me know how that went for you!
In the last two segments I explored what appeared to be sadness and grief around falling behind that revealed itself to be embarrassment and shame. That’s the way things go sometimes with self-exploration and digging through ones’ past!
Through this exploration that included writing and making a couple of Tap-Along videos, things got kind of jumbled up. Not surprising when digging in deeply to explore things that reveal themselves to be interrelated and intertwined.
So the two videos I mad the other day, posted yesterday and today, are almost one extended “thought.” So if this Tap-Along video isn’t quite as coherent and self-contained, that’s why! Regardless, I hope you gain something from Tapping along with them both!
Here’s what I learned in doing this second video…
As I was preparing to do this Tap-Along video, I realized that the part of me that says I “can’t” enjoy sports would have to admit that it was wrong about that, in order for that viewpoint to change! Once we’ve “made a commitment” to a position we naturally try to stay consistent to it so we don’t have to admit we were “wrong.”
As much as I love my kids, this “commitment” meant that I couldn’t enjoy watching their sporting events. Plus, since I hadn’t done these two sets of Tapping yet, I still had significant pain, anger, embarrassment, and shame associated with ANY level of participation in sports.
I lost a lot because of this. In addition to what it cost my family, I’ve never been able to “connect with the guys” because my lack of interest in sports has often gotten in the way there also.
I doubt I’ll become a sports fan after this, but being able to more comfortably tolerate watching, or perhaps even participating with other equally (un)skilled players might be a possibility. Time will tell.
Thanks for watching! I look forward to reading the comments you leave below!
In the last segment, I started exploring with the Grief and Loss of falling behind and had some breakthrough realizations that lead me to this segment. In that segment I discovered the origin (for me) of the embarrassment and shame around falling behind.
Be sure to Tap-Along with this Tap-And-Bitch Video below so you can Borrow The Benefits as I Tap through my exploration of the embarrassment and shame I associate with falling behind.
If you’ve ever been tempted to give up and say “why bother” as you resign yourself to “accepting failure” then this is for you!
Thanks for watching. Please comment below.
I feel like I’m falling behind. Farther and farther behind. This is for a program that I’m paying a lot of money every month to be a part of right now.
There are three contributors. First, there is a LOT of content to consume every week. Second, there are a LOT of actions to be taken based on what we’re learning every week. Third, we are being asked to make a bunch of very critical decisions that highly impact everything we will be doing in the program moving forward. Some of these decisions can be based on research. Others appear to be “creative, gut reaction” decisions.
Coming from a family of Engineers (Dad, 2 brothers, ex-wife, and 2 nephews, are all Electrical Engineers) who value logical decisions highly, I learned how to over-think things quite honestly! Over the years I’ve gathered quite a few tips and tricks that give me frames of reference from which to start. I understand how to research and develop logical reasons to choose one way or another. AND after I’ve looked at the options logically, I DO use “going with my gut” as the tiebreaker, or more often a heavy influencer in the overall decision.
Having to come up with creative ideas minimally anchored to “logic, reason, or precedence” has recently tied me up in knots! On one hand, these choices appear to be someone arbitrary. On the other hand, I can foresee scenarios down the road where these choices could have awesome results or lead to disastrous outcomes that would mean basically having to start over at square one. So, as I’m working on making these decisions I’m falling further behind, which adds pressure to making the decisions.
In an attempt to side-step, or at least slow the rate of falling behind, I’ve joined this 21-Day Publishing Challenge within the program. This has turned out to be a good thing! I’ve dusted off my skills and equipment and am trying some new things. I’m putting myself out there consciously “taking massive, imperfect, action” in order to get rolling and start testing and re-engaging with these processes that I haven’t touched in 8+ years.
One benefit is that it is actually easier in some ways than it used to be. The technology has advanced significantly! Another benefit is that I’m far more confident and less self-conscious than I used to be on camera. Maybe I feel more “qualified” to share this information, and my opinions now that I have both a Master’s in Clinical Mental Health and have been trained in and using Tapping for about 20 years now.
Or maybe I really don’t care what other people think about what I have to say?!?! Maybe turning 60 has mentally allowed me that freedom. Maybe I’m realizing (or internalizing for the first (?) time) that some people will like what I have to say – those are “my people” – and others won’t, so those aren’t “my people” so I really don’t care what they think.
One tidbit of wisdom that has stuck with me (stuck in me like a knife?) is the adage, “Other peoples’ opinion of you is none of your business!” While it seems counter-intuitive, taken in the right light, it can be very freeing.
What is my business in how I feel about “falling behind” the group. As I wrote that a childhood memory of hating PE came back. For much of my childhood I was heavier and not very physically active, and definitely bad when it came to eye-hand coordination and sports. PE often included running and I was always falling behind. Embarrassment and shame are strongly associated for me with falling behind. Also with any kind of participatory engagement by me in sports.
A lightbulb just went on for me that I wish I’d have gotten 15-20 years ago. It was my loathing of participating in sports and near total lack of interest in watching sports, that “prevented me” from being there for my three kids who were into sports. This was particularly true at their younger ages. I had NO skills and ONLY felt embarrassment and shame when I played, so part of me assumed that would be true for them! OBVIOUSLY, based on the fact that they excelled at sports, that wasn’t the case. My son even turned down a University scholarship in Soccer so he could purse the degree he actually wanted at another University. (He and his soon-to-be wife both have Doctorates in Pharmacy as a result of that choice!)
I clearly recognize that my loathing of sports cost me very dearly when it comes to my relationship with my kids. Their mom, and her boyfriend (now husband) were both there for them in support of their sporting interests. I half-heatedly attended some of their earlier games. I attended a few of their high-school games. I can see from this distance that this was the reason they quit telling me about the games.
So yes, this has cost me dearly! The good news is that seeing it now may allow me to change things for my future and the future of my relationship with my kids and their kids.
I’m going to break this into two segments and do a Tap-Along video for both. The first will be for the embarrassment and shame around falling behind. And the second around strongly (my) strongly held beliefs related to sports and the meaning of sports.
I’m going to deliver those segments and their videos separately from this post, over the next couple of days since this post has gotten so long. So be sure to check back tomorrow for the next installment in this saga!
Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment below.
Tomorrow morning I will be getting my first COVID-19 vaccination.
I’m anticipating it going well, and my body being accepting of the inoculation. AND it never hurts to do some Tapping in advance of a potentially stressful situation like getting my “Fauci Ouchie” as they are known in some circles.
So here’s my stream of consciousness Tapping working toward removing any internal resistance to my body and mind accepting it in ways which will support my overall health and minimize and adverse reactions to it.
Regardless of your opinion around the “Fauci Ouchie” you can work through this Tap-Along video any time you are facing having to have a needle prick for a blood draw, inoculation, or any other medical procedure that you’re “not thrilled to participate in” yourself. While we may appreciate the outcomes, the process is rarely pleasurable!
Regardless of your personal views on the “Fauci Ouchie” I would appreciate reading your feedback on this Tap-Along video.
Please leave a comment below!