Unblocked – The new book from Margaret Lynch

I’m excited today because my brand-new copy of Unblocked arrived.  Margaret is a personal friend of mine.  I met Margaret when we were both student in the very first coaching program put on by Pamela Bruner.  It has been fun to watch both Margaret’s and Pamela’s fame skyrocket since then.  Maybe, someday, mine will too!

Margaret has a bunch of special bonus material available as part of her book launch.  You can find out more about the bonuses and the book at UnblockedBook.com.

Please check it out and leave a comment below!

When guessing, there’s often more than meets the eye…

I love it when I get feedback on my guesses!  In yesterday’s post about Fear of being seen on video… I made some guesses about what was going on that was challenging my friend when she goes to record a video.  I was right about some things, and there was much more to the story than meets the eye!

Because I’m focused on helping people resolve issues that are usually related to Crappy Childhoods and Awful Adult Experiences, I sometimes (like this time) miss a more logical and obvious cue in identifying the “problem.” 

My friend is a subject matter expert who often views delivering her content through academic standards.  What that means is that she is very careful to deliver accurate, factual, and reference-backed information.  That creates a very high burden when producing material that can be reviewed, like a written document or a video.  

It sounds like it is easier for her to do live presentations because her spoken words are transient and don’t linger in a physical form that can be reviewed.  She still works toward delivering those same high standards, but she realizes that in that moment she is speaking (and not being recorded) there is more flexibility to not have to cite each and every detail, source, and statistic.

Plus, in a live presentation, she gets to follow the visual cues from the audience and adjust her content delivery in real-time.  If she sees “blank faces” she can provide additional details and explanations in order to resolve any confusion.

“But because I like to be clear; not to confuse people.  I will tend to provide “over complete info” when I don’t get any feedback.  That is in real life (as with your face on “numb”) and therefor also on camera.”

In her message to me she went on to explain one of the challenges she faces as an academic subject matter expert.  She knows so much that as she is talking through an unscripted video, her mind is constantly thinking about the academic accuracy of the statements she’s making and what those citations would be.

That’s a LOT of noise going on in her head questioning all of the details, so it is no wonder that she finds creating live, unscripted videos challenging

After contemplating it for a while, I’m not sure what sort of Tap-Along Video I could make to help her address this.  I don’t see it as a “problem” that can be solved with Tapping because I don’t currently see where she might have an “internal block” that could be addressed with Tapping.  The things she is bumping into are all logical considerations that go along with her professional status as a subject matter expert.

She indicated in her message that she will start working on creating a different type of content.  If she’s focused on delivering education, then citations are appropriate.  Shifting to a different focus for her content may relieve her of that burden with the result being an easier time creating content she can publish. 

Fear of being seen on video…

The human mind is a very strange thing sometimes.  I have a friend who is an expert in her field.  She has spoken in front of rooms filled with people.  She is able to do that comfortably and without any sort of excessive fear.  And yet when it comes to recording a video where  she is speaking to the camera lens, rather than people, she has an extremely hard time.  She KNOWS that as an expert in her topic, with years of experience presenting on it, she is absolutely competent to be presenting this material for video recording.  That’s not the problem.  “It’s the lens!  Just looking into the lens!”

I’m guessing here, but what I think may be going on is the difference between “getting feedback from the room” which happens during a live presentation with people in the room, and getting NO feedback from the video camera.

Whether we realize it or not, we are constantly reading the room and assessing the visual cues from the audience for feedback.  We learned to do this early in life and we continuously do it a subconscious level in order to keep ourselves safe.  Kids start learning very early what to say that will get them in trouble (“unsafe”) and what will not.  Biologically and developmentally as infants and toddlers when we start exploring our environment we look back at our parent or caregiver for visual cues.  In particular we’re looking for approval or indications of disapproval or even more importantly fear on the face of our caregiver. 

The excerpt below comes from Are you happy or sad? How wearing face masks can impact children’s ability to read emotions

“…young children look for emotional cues from caregivers to interpret novel or potentially threatening situations.  That is, children rely on their caregiver’s facial expressions and tone of voice to regulate their response toward people and new situations.”

Researchers have studied social referencing in babies that are just starting to crawl using the “visual cliff,” (https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1985-14205-001) a large plexiglass-top table with a checkered pattern. In the middle of the table is a visual drop off (what looks like a sudden drop, but the surface is actually uninterrupted and completely safe to crawl across). The baby is placed on one side of the table while the mother stands on the other side with a fun toy. The mother is instructed to smile or make a fearful face. In most cases, when babies see a smiling face, they crawl across the cliff, but if they see a fearful face, they choose not to cross the visual cliff.”

What I’m guessing is happening when she looks into the lens do deliver her material is that her subconscious notices there is NO audience feedback.  There is quite a bit of material out there about how “flat affect” or an expressionless face is very disconcerting to people because they don’t know how to interpret it.  

This article is particularly interesting because it has photos and descriptions of this phenomenon.  https://musingsofanaspie.com/2012/10/10/you-scare-me/

“…(we) had some new friends over for lunch.  They brought along their two young boys.  Toward the end of the meal, the 5-year-old, who was sitting next to me, looked at me and said, “You scare me.” …I was aware of the difficulty (some people) have in reading facial expressions, but it hadn’t occurred to me that I don’t project appropriate facial expressions–or sometimes any expression at all.  … To a five-year-old, who is probably relying more heavily on nonverbal than verbal communication to judge adults, my inappropriate or absent expressions were creating mixed messages.  Though I was saying and doing “nice” things, the nonverbal expressions I was projecting weren’t the typical “kind, caring adult” cues he was expecting to go with my words and actions.”

I’m guessing that at some point in my friend’s life, and most likely during her childhood, she learned that it is VERY important to be able to see and assess the visual cues coming from the person(s) she is talking to.  While I have no idea what those exact circumstances were, I’m guessing (still) that whatever happened it didn’t go well because she wasn’t able to see, assess, and properly interpret the visual cues from someone with whom she was communicating.

Because I’m aware of these bits of psychological knowledge, when I hear her description of live presentations as being fine, but it not being fine when “talking to the lens,” I am lead to a guess about what’s going on and how to use EFT Tapping to address it.

In this Tap-Along video I’m going to do my best to address, and Tap through, what I think is going on for her.  Hopefully, if she chooses to watch this video and does Tap-Along with it, she will be generous in providing some feedback on it. 

If you resonate with this challenge, please Tap-Along with the video and be sure to leave a comment below about your experience.

Scrambled Brain From No Audience Visual Feedback Cues

A friend of mine is working on starting a podcast.  She expressed frustration around not being able to think clearly whenever she tries to read her notes on points to cover in the podcast.  She mentioned that she struggles with dyslexia and this issue is worse than usual.  It’s like her brain gets scrambled when she’s trying to use her notes to stay on track.  Things go better if she doesn’t use notes and just talks her way through the podcast, hoping she hits all of the planned points. 

Over the time that I’ve known her, she’s mentioned a couple of times that she has had, what some would call a “crappy childhood and awful adult experiences” as well.  She’s done lots of teaching while being recorded on video which was turned into a course, so I don’t think she’s “camera shy.”  I do know that the Podcast will be in English, while I believe the videos were in Spanish, a second language in which she has been immersed for decades.  Not only is podcasting new for her, but this podcast represents stepping out in a new direction as part of her retirement and back to her native English language.

While I don’t really know exactly what is going on for her, I’ve got some guesses that I’ll share here.  In some ways I think her experience is related to the yesterday’s topic.  I believe that lack of visual feedback cues is a key that is triggering the fear responses in this case as well as for yesterday’s scenario.

First, her podcast is speaking out, in English (the language of her childhood) about a topic (healing from abuse, especially the kinds of childhood abuse she endured) which is a difficult to begin with.

Second, based on the abuser being a family member (it most often is), as a child it probably was unsafe to “speak up about” what was happening to her.  And if she did speak up about it, she was probably discounted and dismissed.

Third, by moving from Spanish to English, the “barrier” is being removed that may have prevented some people (from her childhood) from knowing what she was talking about so passionately.  So there may be some (subconscious and conscious) fear around being judged or shunned for talking about helping people heal from the very sorts of things she endured in childhood.

When I wrap it all together, I come up with “it’s not safe to clearly speak my truth in an organized way because I may be judged, and dismissed, or otherwise ‘made wrong’ for doing so.”  That’s a pretty stressful place to be contemplating and give the topic and the “reveal” it’s not unexpected that thinking clearly is a challenge!  One’s subconscious mind, which is VERY interested in staying safe, might be trying to keep her safe by attempting to stop her from taking actions which IT sees as dangerous.  And it may be doing so by biologically moving out of clear thinking and moving toward a fight-flight-freeze response where “logic and thinking” is not part of “REACTING to stay safe.”

So using that as the foundational guess at what’s going on, I’ve put together a Tap-Along video to address some of the aspect that I’ve guessed are in play.

While this scenario may not match what you’re dealing with, I would encourage you to Tap-Along as you watch this video so that you can borrow the benefits of this content as it may apply to any small sliver of your life.

Thanks for watching, and PLEASE COMMENT below!   I’m looking forward to reading what you write!

Tapping for cravings…

One of my favorite “demonstrators” when teaching someone EFT is to work with cravings.  I will most often use a Hershey’s Kiss as the “craving target” since most people can get their craving for chocolate fairly high given the opportunity.

I have them look at the still wrapped Kiss and think about “how good that will taste!”   Then I have them unwrap it and smell it while thinking about “how good that will taste!”  Then I allow them to take a little tiny bite of just the tip…just enough to get the flavor, without satisfying the desire for the chocolate.  That process is usually sufficient to get most people to at least a 7-out-of-10 intensity of the craving, and often 10/10!

It is important to rate the craving intensity using the 0 – 10 SUD Scale (Subjective Units Of Distress Scale) BEFORE starting to tap.  The only reason we rate the intensity is so that we can more easily notice the change in intensity from before to after a round of Tapping.

After setting the Kiss on the table in front of them, where they can clearly see it, we do the Setup.  While tapping on the side of the hand (between the base of the little finger and the wrist) they repeat three times, “Even though I crave that chocolate, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”

Next we tap through the points while using the reminder phrase “Crave that Chocolate!”  This would mean tapping 5-7 times (or as long as it takes to say the reminder phrase) on each of the points (shown in the EFT Cheat Sheet you can download here): 

  • Eyebrow
  • Side of the eye
  • Under the eye
  • Under the nose
  • Under the lower lip
  • Collar Bone (on the end near the sternum or breast bone)
  • Under the arm (about 4 inches below the arm pit)
  • Top of the head (center top)

I generally tap through the series of points twice before taking another SUDS rating.  

It is not unusual for people to report that the SUDS intensity rating has dropped to zero-to-one after two to four rounds of tapping through the points.   The idea is to keep rating, tapping,  and re-rating until the SUDS level drops “close to zero” at which point the process is complete.

Before you get upset about “taking away my chocolate” I need to let you know that I always use “cheap chocolate” as the demonstrator.  While it does become much easier to say “No” to “cheap chocolate” GOOD chocolate is still GOOD!  The “cheap chocolate” generally just doesn’t taste good or worth eating.  Personally, I found that the Kiss tasted “chemically” the first time I did this!

The video below shows Gary Craig, the creator of Emotional Freedom Techniques, working with Ralph, a Veteran, to reduce his cigarette craving.  This video is part of his 6-Days at the VA series.  Gary had previously worked with Ralph around some of his intrusive PTSD memories, so they have an established rapport which is obvious in the video.

Notice how Gary has the Vet focus on the object of the desired craving.  Also notice how Gary is having him use the 3-point craving killer shortcut!

Thanks for reading this post, and watching the video!  PLEASE leave a comment below!

Tapping for a Fear of Needles…

The other day after I had received my “Fauci Ouchie” injection I was sitting for 15 minutes in the waiting area near the nurses’ station.  The woman next to me wasn’t feeling well and mentioned that it was probably because she is very scared of needles.  The nurse concurred and said that it’s not unusual for someone with such a fear because their body is recovering from the Adrenalin rush associated with that peak moment of fear. 

Her needle fear reminded me of the people I’ve helped with their fear of flying, and fear of heights, by leading them  through a few rounds of EFT Tapping.  I’m always happily amazed at how quickly most fears like that can be reduced from a very high intensity level to most often a zero intensity level in 3-5 minutes

As I sat there I wondering what her experience would have been like that day if I’d have met her 45 minutes earlier and shown her how to Tap.  While we will never know, I’m willing to bet she would have felt better, and would have had an easier time with it all.

While it’s too late to help her with that incident, I decided to put together the Fear Of Needles Tap-Along Video to help you (or someone you know) reduce their fear of needles.  After Tapping-Along with this video, its very likely your next encounter with “fear of needles” will be much less intense!

Thanks for Tapping along with me today.  Please leave a comment below and let me know how that went for you!

Why I  “CAN’T” enjoy sports.

In the last two segments I explored what appeared to be sadness and grief around falling behind that revealed itself to be embarrassment and shame.  That’s the way things go sometimes with self-exploration and digging through ones’ past!

Through this exploration that included writing and making a couple of Tap-Along videos, things got kind of jumbled up.  Not surprising when digging in deeply to explore things that reveal themselves to be interrelated and intertwined

So the two videos I mad the other day, posted yesterday and today, are almost one extended “thought.”  So if this Tap-Along video isn’t quite as coherent and self-contained, that’s why!  Regardless, I hope you gain something from Tapping along with them both!

Here’s what I learned in doing this second video…

As I was preparing to do this Tap-Along video, I realized that the part of me that says I “can’t” enjoy sports would have to admit that it was wrong about that, in order for that viewpoint to change!  Once we’ve “made a commitment” to a position we naturally try to stay consistent to it so we don’t have to admit we were “wrong.” 

As much as I love my kids, this “commitment” meant that I couldn’t enjoy watching their sporting events.  Plus, since I hadn’t done these two sets of Tapping yet, I still had significant pain, anger, embarrassment, and shame associated with ANY level of participation in sports.  

I lost a lot because of this. In addition to what it cost my family,  I’ve never been able to “connect with the guys” because my lack of interest in sports has often gotten in the way there also. 

I doubt I’ll become a sports fan after this, but being able to more comfortably tolerate watching, or perhaps even participating with other equally (un)skilled players might be a possibility.  Time will tell.

Thanks for watching! I look forward to reading the comments you leave below!